The locals are no prudes and they love the naughty aspect of their hometown so much that they include it in the tourist guides. And if you haven’t guessed yet, we are talking about the erotic aspect. Not so much about the shopping windows of the Brno sexshops but rather the titillating statues, street names and more.
Let’s take a slightly different tour in Brno…
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A Brothel? Sure…in plain sight
As you might know, prostitution is neither prohibited nor regulated in the Czech Republic, the state simply decided to turn a blind eye. What is prohibited, is pimping. Nevertheless, there are countless “naughty” establishments in Brno which offer the services of prostitutes and everyone knows it even if they don’t announce it. There are well hidden more private places, there are massage salons and then, until well into the year 2022, there was Moulin Rouge…the pink house on the corner of Slovákova and Kounicova street was the most famous club/cabaret/brothel in Brno. Originally a block of flats called pavlačák the building was remade to serve its current purpose in the wild 1990ies. In 2023, construction of a block of flats started and made a definitive end to the most public “public” house in Brno.
Naughty in the church window
If you walk around the St. James Church (Kostel svatého Jakuba) on Jakubské náměstí in the city center, look up as you walk. It’s not difficult to spot a tiny man sitting at the top of the window with his naked butt in plain sight. It is a bit shocking if you consider that such a joke was made on a religious building in the 13th century! The legend says that this naughty man was the result of a competition between the construction crews of St. James Church and Petrov (both were built at the same time). The crew of St. James Church had a better stonemason and the crew of Petrov more powerful connection. And so they achieved the forced leave of the stonemason of St. James. Before he left he finished a window he was working on and left a little unexpected gift – a small man sitting on the window and showing his butt in the direction of Petrov.
There is also a theory which says that there are actually two people probably having sex. If you look close, you´ll see that there are two heads and more than two hands.
The statue of Jobst of Moravia (Jošt Moravský) on a horse was installed at the end of 2015. At first it stirred up a lot of emotion because many people thought it didn’t suite the location. Then one discovery overshadowed all of it. People found out that if you stand under the statue and look up, the horse’s chest, neck and head look like a penis and testicles. So if you ever come to Brno during the tourist season and you go to Moravské náměstí, you’ll see a bunch of people (probably tourists and their guide) standing under a large bronze horse looking up and giggling at this:
This black bronze statue is one of the several monuments on Zelný trh, the vegetable market in the center of Brno. It was placed here in 2008 in honor of W. A. Mozart who had a concert in the Reduta theatre (the statue is in front of it) when he was 11 years old. Not all locals like this statue and we have to admit that it’s a little…weird. The head of adult Mozart sits on a child’s body which has wings, is completely naked and its penis is kind of flying in the air as the grotesque body dances.
Do you know how there are things which are supposed to serve a certain purpose but somehow they don’t and you wonder why oh why they were ever made? Well, it’s the case of the astronomical clock of Brno. Not so long ago there was a mayor of Brno who wasn’t really a good mayor and when it was clear he wouldn’t win the election another time he decided do have memorial built that would remember people of his reign over the city. And so in September 2010 this thing appeared on Brno’s main square Náměstí Svobody:
It is supposed to be a clock but not even it’s author was able to explain how to read the time with this…thing. And so the only thing the Brnonians can do if they want to know what time it is, is to stand in front of the clock, go ten steps backwards and turn their head left to see the clock on the tower of the St. James church.
People instantly noticed the phallic shape of this strange clock and so it’s locally known as “the mayor’s penis” or “the dick of Brno”. When there’s an even with fireworks coming, the city authorities let the clock cover with protection. The first time they used this one:
Yes, we are all probably thinking the same. And given what the cover looks like, of course there was a group of jokers who splashed some red paint over it. Black covers are being used since.
And if you wonder why there are people standing around the clock every morning, it’s because the machine releases one crystal ball every day at 11 AM. Whether it is worth the 12 million Czech crowns for the construction or the 3/4 million crowns for maintenance every year, we’re just not sure.
Lady parts everywhere…
In summer of 2023, these three “beauties” were installed in front of the Brno city hall:
Besides of people criticizing the look of these fountains because the moment they were installed they already look like a piece of garbage metal nobody took care of for decades, they were unofficially named “the three vaginas” or “the menstrual cups”. When it’s hot they spray water steam into the air and when it’s not, they ooze…this.
Some establishments are far more direct, no hints, no symbolism, they go straight to the point:
Some of the names of Brno’s streets make people giggle because they sound kind of naughty. Just to give you an example, there’s the street Vlhká (wet), Tvrdého (hard), Klobásova (sausage) or Šoustalova (fucker’s street).
Every now and then the citizens let the government know what they think about them…
All in one video
There’s a brilliant video in which Tom Hanks’ character Robert Langdon comes to Brno and investigates its “naughty” places instead of looking for the Holy Grail. It’s in Czech but you can switch on the English subtitles: